Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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