the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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