i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
