Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
