I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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