he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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