I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
