Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Randomize
