So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Come share oat with me in your robe
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