I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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