I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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