thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
