That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You ruined the universe
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
