I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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