the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
