the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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