sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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