you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
