Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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