Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
