i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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