i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize