I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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