Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
