she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
