paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
