I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
