Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
