"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
