You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
