I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
