some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
