did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
