Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
