Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
