i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
