i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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