My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
