pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
