3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
