i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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