she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
