to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
