You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
