it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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