i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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