im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
