I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
