I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
