Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need a beard to bite.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
