Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
