Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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