38 yer olds are good kisserssss
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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