I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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