Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
