smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I enjoy the company of your penis
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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