The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
