i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
