OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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