i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
