Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
