you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
