Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
