I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
