Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
