I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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